I was interested in computers, so we asked Neil, my friend from high school, who owned an employment agency, what I needed to learn to get a programming job. Neil advised me to take the entrance exam for the Intensive Programming course at NYU School of Continuing Education. Neil said the 12 week course was considered the best way to learn programming quickly, and it would enable me to find an entry-level job. The only catch was that I had to take a three-hour entrance exam, because (I think) there were 12,000 applicants for 800 spots.

I was extremely nervous about the test, so Jayne and I spent the night before the exam getting drunk. I took the test slightly hungover. It was the most difficult test of all-time, and had nothing to do with programming. One part of the test displayed exploded views of Defense Department products, and I had to draw lines to show how the parts fit together.

I met Jayne met after the exam, and we waited on a long line to get my results. Finally at the front of line, several people in front of us had not made the cut, so I nervously asked, “Did I pass?”

A young lady replied, “You have an eminently respectable score. You have the 28th highest score, and will be placed in our advanced class.” I learned later that the top 30 scores were placed in this class, so I just made the cut.

Jayne said, “You see? You were worried about nothing!”

The Class

My instructor was Ed Anderson, who claimed to be the only faculty member who had not finished high school. He gleefully told the class that he left his application incomplete, and under education, said “11 years.” He added that he had thoroughly intimidated his interviewer, who was afraid to ask questions, and simply hired him. Ed claimed NYU discovered his lack of a college degree several years later, but he kept his job, since he had not lied, and was remarkably intelligent.

After initimidation, Ed’s second favorite activity was smoking cigarettes. Several times a day, he would distribute a problem for us to solve, saying, “I will be in the hall, smoking, until Mickey points to 10. Then I expect to return, and find that everyone has finished this exercise.”

While the class struggled to solve Ed’s problem, he observed us through a glass pane on the door, sucking the daylights out of 100mm cigarettes.

We had classes from 9-5, breaking 12-1 for lunch, and then “computer room” for daily homework. When the computer room closed at 1 AM, there were always a few students grumbling that they needed more time!

Most of the students were business types, over 30, who had been sent to the course by their employers. But there were two young people, both wearing tie-dyed t-shirts on their first day, David and me, so we went for coffee together, and became friends.

Life on The Lower East Side

I grew up in Brooklyn, and very little shocked me, until my first visit to David’s apartment, on East 11th Street between Avenue A and Avenue B. First, you had to pass through a crowd of drug dealers and customers to get to the building’s entrance. This bothered me, but David thought it was great. “They keep the block safe,” he explained, “because they don’t want anyone to rob their customers.”

David’s apartment was also scary. He was the youngest of a group that “homesteaded” this formerly abandoned building. As I recall, tenants contributed $100/month to a fund, which would eventually be given to NYC to buy the building. The building was a mess. The windows of David’s studio faced the backyard, which was covered by a couple of feet of garbage, including some very large blocks of concrete.

The interior was worse. Several areas, including the bathroom, were missing pieces of floor, so you would see the downstairs tenants if you were both using the bathroom. Sensing my discomfort, he said, “Let’s get something to eat.”

“Something” turned out to be a spleen sandwich which only cost about $1.25 at an Italian place on First Avenue. It was advertised using the Italian word for spleen, which I forget, and was barely edible.

When we returned to his apartment, he opened the door gingerly, grabbed a broom, and whacked a plastic garbage can a few times to make the mice scatter before we entered. That was enough for me, and I suggested that it would be more comfortable to head Uptown, and do our homework where I lived.

The Taj Mahal

Jayne and I lived in a one bedroom apartment at the corner of West 103rd Street and Riverside Drive. Instead of drug dealers, you passed through a doorman to enter our building, and there was no garbage or rodents.

Jayne and I had a lovely, 8 foot, Brunswick Heirloom pool table in our living room. After homework, I invited David to have a drink, and play pool, while I waited for Jayne to get home. She joined us, and we played for awhile, before ordering Chinese food. David had an incredible knack for charming women, and got along great with Jayne, until about 10 PM, her bedtime, when she asked me to send him home. When I informed David, who was a little drunk, he seemed crushed, and said rather loudly, “But this is the Taj Mahal! I never want to leave!” Jayne thought this was so funny, she let him sleep on our convertible sofa. But the name stuck. After school, he would come over smiling, and say, “Let’s go to the Taj Mahal!”

Jayne also liked David’s Dad, Wally, and we met him at his office a few times. I only met his Mom once, when Jayne drove David to Jericho for something.

Mainframes and Microcomputers

Jayne was an anesthesiology resident during the week, and we had similar incomes while I was working at the bank. When I was unemployed, she supplemented her income working Saturday nights at an emergency room. Since we were still in our “newlywed stage,” I used to visit her about 10 PM, and leave with her at 6 AM. This hospital was not very busy, and her supervisor brought his new Apple II computer, and Byte Magazine to pass the time.

Byte frustrated me, because I could barely understand anything! I discussed this with Jayne, and we decided it would be better for me to learn how to program the new microcomputers, instead of learning COBOL and BAL/370.

So Jayne, using her maiden name, wrote me a note that I had to withdraw from school because of migraine headaches.

I left after five weeks. David completed the course, but never used his certificate. He began volunteering at WBAI-FM, explaining that he was getting a chance to prepare for an FCC license exam, so he could host his own radio show. I cannot recall how he supported himself, but he was often at “The Taj Mahal” with Jayne and me. He got along better with Jayne than anyone I met during our marriage. But he never slept there again. I was instructed to provide him with Subway tokens to leave, when Jayne wanted to go to sleep.

However, Jayne liked him so much, that after Maxine was born in January 1985, David was her first, and only, babysitter for a few months.

Dead Air

Shortly after Maxine’s birth, David’s persistence paid off, when he became the host of “Dead Air” – live performances of the Grateful Dead, on (I think) Sunday nights from 3-6 AM.

Of course, I had to visit him, and it was fun. His friend Doug, who had a huge Harley-Davidson logo tattooed on his skinny chest, followed The Dead, and recorded many performances on a portable DAT recorder, wearing a baseball cap, with two microphones sticking out the top.

After 1985

Jayne and I moved to Georgia at the end of 1985, and I was almost killed a few months later. I was still on crutches the next time I met David. I visited Manhattan for something, and got a room at The Chelsea Hotel, where I had always wanted to stay. I met David, but since it was so difficult for me to get around, we spent two days eating delivered Chinese food, and watching TV in my hotel room, which thankfully had two beds.

I saw him about a year later, when we both stayed in his greatly improved apartment, and spent a day or two in the East Village. David enjoyed hanging out at “Life Café“ where we played backgammon.

I tried contacting him after Jayne and I separated in 1992, but was unsuccessful. Several people were angry at me for breaking up with Jayne, and I mistakenly thought he was one of them, because he never called back. I called him again about 1998, and he was not angry, but said he might have had a problem with his answering machine. He was working as a DJ at Wetlands Preserve, and invited me to see Blues Traveler and Joan Osborne. Shows were sold out, so I had to ask for him, and he came out for a second, to let me in.

I also visited him a couple of times when he was was the engineer for “New York and Company“ on WNYC. I was truly amazed at all the stuff he had learned!

I also met him once when he was having trouble setting up a Mac database for his friend John, to maintain a huge amount of poetry recordings.

That might have been the last time I saw him. When I returned to Manhattan, I called him a couple of times at the 92nd Street Y, where he was audio archivist, to meet for lunch, but our schedules were never compatible.

Recently

Before he setup his Facebook account, I kept in touch with David through occasional emails to MySpace. I always sent birthday greetings, partly because his birthday, Valentine’s Day, was so easy to remember.

I wanted to mail him a paper card this year, but somehow never got around to it. I added a calendar reminder to send him one next year.

Alas, it’s too late. So long buddy, I miss you.

Stories will be judged by Alan Cheuse, who reviews books for All Things Considered. Winner receives an autographed copy of Cheuse’s novel, To Catch the Lightning: A Novel of American Dreaming. Entries must be received by February 28 – in three days, but monthly contests will continue. Read the rules for more info.

How I Wrote My Story

I installed the photo as desktop wallpaper, to see it as often as possible, until I wrote “Flight”. I copied/pasted into entry form and submitted it. I found Previous Three-Minute Stories later!

Update

(March 21, 2010) Congratulations to winner, Rhonda Strickland, for Please Read. The fourth round of the contest will be announced next week.

Summarizing a life should not be that simple.

Remembering Ellen is my favorite non-fiction writing assignment.

I hope you enjoy reading it.

So, in addition to tourist attractions, like Kentucky Horse Park and Keeneland, Lexington has a fantastic public library system.

Central Library

I recommend the main branch, or Central Library, on Main Street, where you can query my favorite reference librarians, and watch a Foucalt pendulum powering the world’s largest ceiling clock.

Central Library was built in 1987, and designed to permit expansion for 20-30 years. It replaced a 1904 building (shown), which was leased to The Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning for ten dollars a year.

Lexington Kentucky Writers Meet at The Carnegie Center

The Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning offers many courses for writers. See their schedule (PDF) for more information.

I take a two mile walk to The Carnegie Center, twice a week. I attend a non-fiction writing class led by writer-in-residence, Neil Chethik, on Tuesday afternoons. I return on Friday at noon, for Gail Koehler’s Writing Practice.

Writing Practice

From Carnegie’s Course Catalog:

Designed as an opportunity to practice creative expression without judgment. Develop your natural story-telling instinct or refresh writing skills from word prompts or personal experiences. Recommended reading: Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg (not required). Class may be entered on any day it is held; it is not necessary to commit to the full duration of the course.

In Writing Down the Bones, Ms. Goldberg exhorts readers to keep their pen moving, which is the essence of this course.

After Ms. Koehler selects three random words or phrases to use, we keep our pens moving for 20-40 minutes, depending on the size of the class. My writing is simply stream of consciousness, but some students write actual stories. I transcribed my output from our last two classes, about 500 words each, so you can read examples.

Our teacher begins the next segment by reading what she has written about her random subjects. The rest of the class follows. Classmates often laugh while I am reading, but I am really not trying to be funny. I write in a relaxed setting, with familiar classmates, and enjoy this opportunity to express myself.

If there is enough time, a ”call around” follows each reading, when writers recite their favorite quotes to the reader.

Do Not Attend Afternoon Writing Practice!

Seriously, we have a nice group; let’s keep it that way. Try the evening class, on Monday at 5:30 — visit The Carnegie Center for Literacy and Learning on the Web for more information on their programs and activities.

The Carnegie Center almost closed in June 2003, after former Mayor Teresa Isaac removed it from her budget. Please send a tax-deductible contribution to keep this vital institution open.

I started with novels and selected five authors:

I have included Amazon links to paperback editions of these novels. Purchasing a book from this page helps support Where Did My Brain Go? — Thanks!

Check out Reading: Novels for my favorite novels and novelists, and let me know if you enjoy my selections.

I plan to add other sections, including non-fiction and computer books.

I am blogging about it because:

1. question was ambiguous
2. it is common problem
3. I solved it with one line of code!

In topic of “Regular Expressions,“ Stephan, a fellow on the other side of the world, asked:

Looking for a regular expression which will remove all the <img> tags from a string. The string is a HTML document.

Stephan provided an example like this:

Let me explain why this question is hard to answer.

Regular Expressions

A regular expression is a pattern of characters, used to search for a set of objects. A simple example is:

This would match “had,” “dad,” “sad.” Regular expressions, are common, but they are implemented differently everywhere. For example, my favorite text editor, Vim, which I have been using for over a dozen years, provides additional features, using a special syntax. I would have used Vim if I was doing this for myself. This simple example should work on all implementations of regular expressions. However, advanced features are implemented differently by other products, and programming languages.

For example, I never learned Perl programming language, which includes Perl Compatible Regular Expressions. So remember to be specific if you ask someone a question about regular expressions, or anything related to programming.

Operating Systems

Operating systems which are derived from Unix, such as Linux, or Mac OS/X include advanced text utilities, which are not packaged with Microsoft Windows. Although Vista was installed on my latest Thinkpad, I only tried it for ten minutes, before giving up, and installing Linux.

What Is Wrong With Aardvark?

I would not have responded if I was asked “how to remove images from html file on Windows” – “how to remove images from html file with Perl” – or many other possibilities. Aardvark needs better instructions, so users can ask, and respond, to questions more efficiently.

Assumptions are often wrong, but I really wanted to answer my first question, so I assumed that Stephan was not using Microsoft Windows, and provided a response which should work on any Unix-type system.

How To Remove Images From HTML on Linux, or Mac OS/X

Unix based systems include sed or “stream editor.” This is description from sed manual page on my favorite computer:

Sed is a stream editor. A stream editor is used to perform basic text transformations on an input stream (a file or input from a pipeline). While in some ways similar to an editor which permits scripted edits (such as ed), sed works by making only one pass over the input(s), and is consequently more efficient. But it is sed’s ability to filter text in a pipeline which particularly distinguishes it from other types of editors.

In other words, sed is perfect tool to remove images from HTML files! After saving sample as “input.html” – I was able to remove images from the sample, and save it as “output.html” with this command:

output.html contained:

Perfect! I hope I helped Stephan, but I will never know, since neither Aardvark, nor Stephan, informed me if my answer was helpful.

Another One Line Program

Those familiar with HTML, know that certain characters, like < and > must be encoded as “entities” – e.g., &lt; and &gt;. So I wrote another one liner, in PHP, for this article:

I saved that line as “html2text.php” and entered:

Then I copied and pasted results into this article.

Now you know how to remove images from HTML, and also how to convert HTML to include in your Web pages, with just two lines of code!

NOTE: I like my one liner, but you can make it easier to use, by adding a second line, and converting it to a “shell script.” See Example #1 on Using PHP from the command line for more information.

Calling Aardvark!

Aardvark, which is running a computer-based business, should understand the differences between applications, and operating systems. I sent them a link to this article, and I hope they use my suggestions, to improve their innovative service.