Category Archives: Musings

Growing up in 20th century and living in 21st century

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When I was a young boy, my favorite store was the Hobby Shop on Avenue S and Coney Island Avenue, in Brooklyn, New York. It was across the street from the dungaree factory, where I bought my first pair of bell bottoms for $6.

I earned $8 a week for walking Rusty, a very old beagle. I spent most of my money at the Hobby Shop. I started buying plastic car models. I bought one gas powered U-control plane, before discovering Estes Model Rockets.

I built and launched dozens of rockets, usually in Marine Park. I started with kits, then designed my own. I read the Estes “Technical Reports” to learn how to balance them and create fins. I aspired to be an aeronautical engineer, so I could design “real rockets” like Robert Goddard.

Estes Rockets were powered by disposable engines, rated by size and power. The engines were filled with gunpowder, ignited by a glowing coil of nichrome wire.

Where Have All The Rocket Engines Gone?

My salary rose after my fourteenth birthday, because “working papers” allowed me to work at Rose Seal Pharmacy after school. I wanted to use my additional income to build multi-stage rockets. I designed my first multi-stage rocket and brought my parts list to the Hobby Shop. Sadly, the clerk informed me that he could sell me the parts, but not the rocket engines. He explained that the engines were now illegal in New York City. I was supposed to order the engines by mail, and launch rockets in Nassau County, outside the city limits.

Bad Science

I ordered a few engines from the Estes mail order catalog. However, they were more expensive and took a week to arrive. After checking a map, I asked Dad to drive me to Eisenhower Park on Long Island, to launch them. Dad replied, “Forget about it. I will test it with you.”

We tested my multi-stage design in Marine Park. Nevertheless, model rocketry had lost its charm. I did not want to break the law or wait a week for new engines. I stopped building rockets.

Evil Science

Cubify Cubex I would like to buy a 3D printer. I am not sure how I would use it, but I would like to try building a gun.

I do not want to kill anyone. I never imagined creating a gun from a printer. I would like to try it.

However, I should have downloaded the design before yesterday. When I checked the site today, I found:

This file has been removed from public access at the request of the US Department of Defense Trade Controls. Until further notice, the United States government claims control of the information.

I would still like to try building a gun from a printer. I expect to find other designs.

If my daughters asked me about the law, I would give them Dad’s answer, “Forget about it. I will test it with you.”

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When you wish upon a star Whether you greet a new year with relief or trepidation, it’s that time again.

Sadly, none of my Five Wishes For 2008 came true. I am reducing next year’s expectations with two wishes.

Two wishes ought to be easy.

  1. Fiscal Cliff
    President Obama created the National Commission on Fiscal Responsibility and Reform on February 18, 2010. This bi-partisan committee was supposed to balance the budget by 2015. I do not understand what happens on December 31, but they did not complete their project. I wish President Obama would replace them and settle this mess.
  2. New York Giants
    I usually wish for the New York Giants to win the Super Bowl.

    This year, they might win their final game. Giants started 2010 by firing defensive coordinator Bill Sheridan. I wish the Giants would start 2013 by replacing their offensive and defensive coordinators.

    3. Happy New Year!

    Best Wishes for 2013

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Bear Grylls Bear Grylls has a new show, but few details are available. We know that he will avoid injuries as a spectator. I will explain how you can participate in the NBC Bear Grylls Adventure.

This show was created for Bear Grylls. A previous version, Get Out Alive with Bear Grylls, was described as:

extreme adventure reality-competition series headlined by world-renowned adventurer Bear Grylls

The current version, The NBC Bear Grylls Adventure was developed by a company with a cute name: ElectUs. (I added caps).

ElectUS is led by Ben Silverman. Mr. Silverman also produced The Office, Ugly Betty and The Biggest Loser for NBC.

I have never watched Mr. Silverman’s previous shows. I am familiar with The Biggest Loser because it appeared in an advertisement for StreetStrider, the first elliptical tricycle. I enjoy riding a bicycle. I would really like to try a StreetStrider. Unfortunately, there are no StreetStrider showrooms near me, in Lexington, Kentucky.

Starving for Dollars

Mr. Silverman is smart. Losing weight is not exciting. Nevertheless, Americans have enjoyed watching The Biggest Loser, where obese contestants have starved and dehydrated themselves for prizes, since 2004. On TV, contestant Kai Hibbard lost 118 pounds in twelve weeks. However, she said:

I have people that come up to me and talk to me and ask me why they can’t lose 12 pound in a week when I did. When I didn’t. It didn’t happen. It’s TV. I helped perpetuate a myth that’s dangerous.

Bear Grylls has been caught faking stuff. I hope his new show is legitimate.

Incidentally, Kai Hibbard regained 31 pounds in two weeks after the show.

Eating Bugs for Dollars

I do not why Bear Grylls is scowling, with a wrinkled forehead, in this show’s publicity photos. I expect the contestants on the new Bear Grylls show to make worse faces eating non-kosher insects.

Although this was not mentioned in the press release, the new Bear Grylls show sounds like Fear Factor. If you have forgotten Fear Factor, The New York Times described it as a:

Reality series in which contestants compete by performing extreme physical, mental and gastronomic challenges under the supervision of Hollywood stunt coordinators.

Fear Factor contestants were couples. Just like the new Bear Grylls show. They competed eating insects and other silly stuff. I watched Fear Factor many times. I stopped watching Fear Factor, after host Joe Rogan, who never scowled, forced a nearly blind, 75-year-old G. Gordon Liddy, who was winning, to drive around an obstacle course. Mr. Liddy crashed almost immediately, so someone else could win.

Now or Neverland

Fear Factor was created by Endemol. It began on Dutch TV as Now or Neverland. The New York Times listed “Nerves of Steel” as an alternate title, but I was unable to find any information about that.

Drinking Donkey Semen For Dollars

I found a Fear Factor video of two women drinking donkey semen and urine which was not shown on American TV.

They might have been unemployed. They definitely needed cash.

Why Copy Fear Factor?

Fear Factor was syndicated after its fifth season. It earned hundreds of millions of dollars.

Fear Factor was revived for two episodes in 2012. One stunt was:

being submerged in a tub full of leeches before having to consume 10 leeches

Fear Factor stunts are completed under the supervision of professional Hollywood stunt coordinators. Bear Grylls is the ideal person to supervise these stunts.

Fear Factor: Khatron Ke Khiladi

Fear Factor is popular in India. The Indian host is Ashkay Kumar, a Bollywood action star. Indian stunts are milder than American stunts. Fear Factor: Khatron Ke Khiladi won an Indian Telly Award for “Best Reality Show” during its second season.

The winning season, Fear Factor: Khatron Ke Khiladi – Level 2, was described as:

Thirteen women— minor celebrities— are paired with people in need of money. The idea is for the pairs to complete two difficult tasks, involving both creepy crawlies and physical challenges, with the weakest performers being eliminated at the end of the day’s tasks.

Bear Grylls is the logical host

Bear Grylls knows more about “creepy crawlies and physical challenges” than almost anyone on Earth.

How To Meet Bear Grylls On His New Show

Contestants should submit a video for the best chance of being selected. I doubt that we will see many contestants over 40, none over 70. G. Gordon Liddy would not be selected.

If you want the best chance of being selected:

  • Fill out an application
  • Create a compelling video with your partner
  • Attend an audition with your partner. Dates below.
Date City Location / Map
Dec 8AtlantaGeorgian Terrace Hotel
Dec 8Detroit Gardner-White
Dec 9DallasGilley's Dallas
Dec 15FayettevilleFayetteville Athletic Club
Dec 15Los AngelesBoys & Girls Club of Venice
Jan 12New YorkFlatotel
Jan 12PhoenixSuperstition Springs Center
NOTE: All times are 10 AM — 4 PM local time.

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need work I was laid off my job as Lead Developer of a Web startup on August 15, 2012. I was sad, changing email and API accounts. Nevertheless, I expected to put my unexpected free time to good use.

I missed riding my bicycle. I wanted to promote my novel, Sociopathic Surgeon. I needed a new job.

What should I do first?

I decided to clean my apartment. I wanted to treat myself to a maid service. However, I was unemployed. Should I start in the kitchen or the bathroom? I thought about this in bed. I took a nap.

I got up to make coffee an hour later. I drank coffee and checked email in bed. It was sad, mostly work-related. I read Ron Paul’s Texas Straight Talk for inspiration. I stopped for dinner and recharged my iPad.

I realized that I was depressed during dinner. The kitchen and bathroom were daunting. I needed something easier. What would cheer me up? I had free time, I should find a girlfriend. I stopped drinking, but I could get dressed and walk to a bar.

I am 5'9", 145 now. I lost thirty pounds, have clothing in all sizes. Sadly, I discovered that everything I wanted to wear was dirty. I needed clean clothes more than a girlfriend.

My dirty laundry is in a deep closet under the attic. Four or five large plastic bags of dirty laundry fell out when I opened the door. I left them there. My iPad had enough power to order new clothes with second-day delivery. I went to sleep satisfied.

Day 2

I forced myself to take a bicycle ride. Not my challenging, hilly course; a flat ride around downtown Lexington, Kentucky. I was in lousy shape. I checked one bag of dirty laundry after dinner. Nice clothes, but they smelled. I put the bags deeper in the closet so I could open the door easily.

I had accomplished enough. I read Ron Paul speeches until I fell asleep.

Day 3

Prepared for new clothing with sixty situps and planks before breakfast. I had a delightful breakfast until I saw my clothing receipt. I needed a job more than clean clothing. I edited my resume until new clothes arrived.

New clothes were outstanding. I showered and changed my outfit. I am supposed to be sharing a washing machine with my landlord, but she moved it and she was not home. I washed my previous outfit in the bathtub. I changed my sheets. I started a new dirty laundry pile outside the closet with the sheets and whatever I found under the bed.

New laundry pile was brilliant. A constant reminder. New pajama bottoms fit perfectly. I vowed to buy another pair with my first paycheck. I would apply for jobs tomorrow.

Day 4

I woke up at sunrise without a schedule. I removed my pajama bottoms after sixty situps / planks. I showered, shaved, dressed in my washed outfit, went outside. A glorious Summer day. I had to ride my bicycle.

I wasn’t tired after I rode 12 hilly miles. I stopped for a drink and energy bar before riding downtown. At home, I treated myself to a personal favorite, three scrambled eggs with mustard and pretzels. I drank a quart of milk.

I answered a few emails before I slept until sunrise.

Day 5

My back and legs hurt. My pajama bottoms seemed old. I looked at an old man in the mirror. I will collect Social Security in a few years. I wanted it now.

I stayed in bed, registering for job sites. I was forced to get up because most sites require a real computer to upload files.

Remarkably, I had forgotten that I am more productive at my desk. I concluded that the iPad was behind my depression. I turned it off. I celebrated by ordering three pairs of pajama bottoms.

Days 6-10

I could read mail in bed with my iPhone, but needed to sit at my desk to reply. I improved my resume, uploaded to more sites. I felt productive, so I went for a bicycle ride to loosen up my back. I reinjured my back, stayed in bed with iPhone.

Days 11-30

More job applications were sent and rejected.

Used iPhone to explore Wikipedia in bed. I sent a daughter their list of online dating services. I clicked several links before sending it. In a couple of hours, I had two apps and many notifications.

I answered and rated hundreds of weird personality questions. I was rewarded with the opportunity to answer weirder questions on the phone, from potential partners who might be hundreds of miles away.

My first favorite lonely woman, a 96% match, was 400 miles away. I sent her inspirational messages. She sent meaningful replies. I wanted to meet her.

Then I received a thoughtful inquiry from a 94% match, 1500 miles away. We spoke for an hour, agreeing about everything.

I stayed up after that call, wondering whom I should visit first. Sunrise cleared me up. I needed a job more than a long distance girlfriend. I deleted my dating apps and profiles.

Days 31-

Felt better after I learned that it is normal to be depressed while unemployed.

Why Is Daddy Crying? wore the same sweater for three months, until his wife made it disappear.

Joe Barlow switched to sweat pants after 192 days. Barlow said:

With the stress, boredom, and depression that goes along with an unemployed lifestyle, sweatpants become ideal. The comfort, ease of putting on, and especially the room for weight gain makes sweatpants the best clothing option.

A compelling argument. Alas, my sweatpants are somewhere in the closet.

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better living by cyberartist Patients expect medical doctors to be “normal.”

Surgeons and anesthesiologists wield heavenly powers in operating rooms. But they make mistakes. Some are negligent. Some are impaired, self-medicating, insane.

The American Medical Association considers addicts and sociopaths “impaired.”

Impaired Doctors

An impaired physician is “one unable to fulfill professional or personal responsibilities because of psychiatric illness, alcoholism, or drug dependency.”

William Stewart Halsted is the most famous impaired physician.

Halsted, like his contemporary, Sigmund Freud, became addicted to cocaine after experimenting on himself. Halstead tried to cure himself with morphine. He was addicted to morphine for most of his life.

Halsted introduced rubber gloves, surgical gowns, bedside hospital charts. He performed one of the first gallbladder operations, removing his Mother’s gallbladder on a kitchen table. However, Halsted’s performance declined through the years. He kept his job because he received privileges as the first Chief of Surgery of Johns Hopkins Hospital, including a five-month “Summer” vacation.

Halsted’s cure seems ridiculous. Nevertheless, Freud recommended cocaine as a cure for morphine addiction.

The AMA acknowledged impaired physicians in 1973. The Sick Physician concluded:

it is a physician’s ethical responsibility to take cognizance of a colleague’s inability to practice medicine adequately by reason of physical or mental illness

Several programs were created for addicted physicians. Caduceus, AA for physicians, allows them to attend twelve-step meetings without meeting their patients.

What Happens to Impaired Doctors?

Anesthesiologists have the highest rate of addiction. Anesthesiologists obtain drugs from a locked narcotics cabinet before a procedure, but patients do not always receive all of these drugs.

One anesthesiology resident injected himself with a patient’s fentanyl, then replaced it with water. Resident used gas to induce sleep. However, this Doctor overmedicated himself and fell face–first into the patient’s open belly.

Resident developed a personal problem the following day and needed to relocate. He was given a glowing recommendation and sent to a residency program in another state.

What is a Sociopath?

From the Mayo Clinic definition:

People with antisocial personality disorder typically have no regard for right and wrong. They may often violate the law and the rights of others, landing in frequent trouble or conflict. They may lie, behave violently, and have drug and alcohol problems. And people with antisocial personality disorder may not be able to fulfill responsibilities to family, work or school. Antisocial personality disorder is sometimes known as sociopathic personality disorder. A sociopath is a particularly severe form of antisocial personality disorder.

Sociopaths do not think they have a problem. Mayo Clinic explains:

antisocial personality disorder is essentially a way of being, rather than a curable condition

Natural Born Sociopaths

In 2012, Yale completed a study that identifies COL25A1 as a common gene in sociopathic addicts.

What Can a Sociopathic Doctor Do?

Cover of Sociopathic Surgeon A sociopathic physician can use their medical license as a weapon.

There are examples in my novel, Sociopathic Surgeon. Read a free sample now on your Kindle, Nook or iPad / iPhone. I hope you are surprised.

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Larry SteurI met Larry Steur on July 17th 2006, at WoodSongs. Coincidentally, I also stopped drinking that day. Larry said I complained that I wanted a drink for another two years. Luckily, Larry was the most tolerant fellow in the world, and we both got over it.

Larry knew as much about me as anyone, and I knew almost as much about him. This happens when you spend several hours a week walking around Lexington together for a few years.

I wanted to get to know Larry after our first WoodSongs show. He was carrying a large amplifier, struggling a little, but moving. I followed, carrying a lighter piece. When I caught up to him at our backstage destination, I asked, “You’re the photographer. Why are you doing this?” Larry replied, “It keeps me young,” before returning for another object.

The following week, this old man claimed that he often rode a bicycle. So we took a ride. I had trouble keeping up with him. Larry’s bicycle was better than mine, but he was also in much better shape than me. Larry said, “Don’t worry. I will train you.” His training worked. I was riding a hilly eight mile course in 48 minutes last Summer. Nevertheless, we always found time to walk for an hour. Larry said that we needed to walk for an hour every other day, and eight miles on Saturdays.

Larry also helped me with my diet. We kept the same weird foods in our refrigerators. He complained that I was too thin yesterday, I am eating ice cream for him while I write.

A couple of weeks after our first bicycle ride, I found a new apartment, 4/10 mile from Larry’s house. Larry and I moved everything in his van.

Then we started walking.

Larry ran marathons until he hurt his foot. He could walk, but he was in pain after running for a few steps. Pain was another reason we got along. I walk with a knee brace, and my knee swells while I walk. I have other injuries too. Larry was the same way. A couple of weeks ago, we counted all our pinched nerves while we waited for a traffic light to change. But we rarely complained. You can’t expect to feel great all the time, you have to keep going.

I missed a few months walking in 2008, when I had a stomach problem followed by a back injury. Larry encouraged me to get out of bed and return to walking. We have walked outdoors in sub-freezing temperatures, in malls when the weather was worse. During the Summer we walk earlier, later in Winter. We always walk.

For the past year, our favorite place has been the UK practice track. This track is padded, great for injuries. We walk a mile to the track, four laps, and home. We also enjoyed watching the UK athletes practice.

If Larry had one flaw, it was installing free software he found on the Web that messed up his computer. After he installed something, he would call me, sounding quite perplexed, hoping to mislead me so I would not torment him for repeating past mistakes on the phone. These calls always began:

I don’t know what happened. Can you please come over now and look at my computer?

I miss those calls.

Goodbye Larry

Larry Steur died March 1, 2011, while we were walking on Euclid Avenue.

I have had two pains in my chest. This never happened before. Should I worry?

Let’s walk to your house. I will drive you to the ER if you don’t feel well.

Larry died a half a block later.