How To Travel By Bus

Traveling by bus is not fun. It is not comfortable, and not fast. However, it is so cheap that I am going to do it.

Greyhound, which is the only bus company where I live, has new (to me) fares, which are the greatest travel bargains I have seen in years.

Cheaper Than A Dozen Gallons of Gas

I can travel from Lexington, Kentucky to New York City for an astounding $45, as long I buy my ticket two weeks in advance.

Greyhound calls this Go Anywhere – fares are based on distance, not destination.

How To Avoid The Worst Parts Of A Bus

This is what I learned, while taking a bus weekly, for several years, from Baltimore, to Manhattan.

1. Never eat for at least an hour before departure, so you do not have to use the disgusting bathroom on the bus
   • Bathrooms in terminals are better: cleaned often, so they can be checked for suspicious people, or objects.
2. Touch as few surfaces as possible. You will see people of all ages:
   • sneeze
   • spit
   • cough
   • drool
   on every exposed surface.

Important Accessories

There are three important items to pack before embarking on a long bus ride.

1. Pillow
   • Most important
     • Keeps your head and face off seat
     • Helps you fall asleep
2. Paperback
   • Light reading is best. I like mysteries and spy novels
3. Dental Floss

How To Get More Room

I am not tall or fat, but I am still cramped. However, if the bus is not sold out, I can usually sit by myself.

This is how I do it:

1. Arrive at least a half hour early to be at, or near, front of boarding line
2. Pick a window seat four or five rows back
3. Place pillow on filthy seat
4. Floss teeth emphatically until everyone is seated

Try it – it usually works!

Before I Go

I want to catch up with New York Giants before I leave. Be right back.